My secretary always hated her job and me. And then one day she shows up with a new car. I didn’t think she earned that much.

Well, two months later she takes her two weeks vacation and stays on vacation for an extra two weeks, without pay. So I’m wondering, how can she do this?

It got worse. She demanded a two-day work week or she would resign. What’s going on here?

And then I found out that...

Example #2

Did you ever check out your social security benefits?

Well, I did. And it was shocking.

My monthly retirement benefits will only cover half of my mortgage. I guess I can live in half of my house and rent the other half to some strangers. And what will I do for food? I didn’t know I was working 50 weeks out of the year to qualify for starvation.

So I asked my next-door neighbor how his retirement was coming along. He said, “No problem. I have a secret.”

And then he explained...

Example #3

This was so embarrassing. I didn’t even recognize my own mother. I’m going to be the joke of our family reunions.

It happened like this.

I’m walking behind this lady. I had no idea that she could be my mother – I mean, this lady was only half the size of my mother.

Well, then I really embarrassed myself...

Example #4

I used to warehouse my babies in childcare while I commuted to an underpaying job. Then one morning while stuck in traffic, I said to myself, “This is crazy!”

That night I called up my good friend, Mary. She got her paycheck in her mailbox once a month and I wanted to know how.

Mary told me...